Tag Archives: watchout

Watchout! California Dreams

His mother would have remarked on the matching blue of the bottle cap and the Scratcher®.

“California, here I come, right back where I started from…” the man sang softly as he shuffled down the sidewalk. It was one of those sparkling early-summer afternoons — the ones his mother used to call “Peek-a-Boos” — when Summer peels back the curtain of fog and does a little dance before vanishing for another month of June Gloom. The man had shaken a few coins from his gallon bottle piggy bank and used them to buy a Scratcher® from the dilapidated corner store, and there was hope in his heart as he used the bottle cap to scratch off the numbers. His mother always said there was something special about him, and that knowledge had lodged deep in his unconscious, giving him the strength to persevere no matter what obstacles appeared in front of him. Today, the obstacle was a banana peel segment, lying stringy-side up amidst a scattering of melon seeds, its phloem bundles exposed to the elements. He bent to look closer and observed that despite these indignities, the flayed fruit maintained a mostly fresh appearance, from its bright whort to its green-tipped crown. He smiled, reassured by its resilience, but did not notice as his ticket slipped out of his pocket and fluttered to the ground, where it remained until street cleaning day.

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Watchout! Local Menace

On a relatively recent Friday morning, local resident Miss X was seeking to escape the constant screech of a neighbor’s hacksaw, she fled to the other side of the hill, where she sipped a cappuccino and watched the cars trundle past. Little did she know that a horrifying specter cast a disturbing shadow on the asphalt just around the corner. Its malice fueled by a failed attack on a cyclist, the thing waited, motionless, lying in wait for its next victim. Thankfully, Miss X arrived in time to warn the public.

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Watchout! Evil Reflections

Miss Julie was just trying to mail a letter. She walked down to the post office, clutching the envelope in her fist. Inside was a thank-you card she’d been meaning to mail for months, to a work acquaintance who had given her a novelty mug for her birthday.

The writing of the card was a saga of its own. She spent weeks weeks halfheartedly reminding herself to buy a card at Walgreens, and waking up nights with a pang of guilt at her ungratefulness, especially since she used the mug every day for her morning coffee. She had been to Walgreens before to search for a card, and several times had abandoned the aisle after failing to find the perfect one. The classic flowered cards were all so boring, but the edgier ones risked missing the mark, and the fancy ones were too expensive…

Finally, on August 6, she forced herself to just pick one. It was a classic thank you card with a drawing of a vase of flowers, and the words “Thank You” curlicued around it. Proud of herself, she paid $4.99 (an acceptable price), wrote the card hastily and dropped it in the mailbox at the post office. On her way out, she narrowly missed this horrifying specter lying in wait at the curb, its evil reflection glimmering in the mirrored bumper of a parked car.

She avoided disaster and headed home. Later that afternoon, she remembered with a pang that she had forgotten to thank her frenemy Gail for her birthday gift, a tangerine-scented candle that had scented her bathroom nicely for a couple of months. She vowed to get the card the very next day.

JS.8.6.18.21st and Geary outside the US Post Offic It looks as though it_s trying to crawl towards that yellow paper.jpegjpeg

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Watchout! Who’s watching you?

2.22.18.culvercity

Spotted on February 22 in Culver City

Many people ask me for urban safety tips. I’m flattered by the attention and often feel obligated to provide an answer, though I don’t feel fully qualified to speak authoritatively on the subject. As a result, I often invent answers based on what I think the person wants to hear.

Recently a young man inquired about the best way to know if someone is watching him. I imparted my most useful piece of wisdom – to ALWAYS check the bushes. Shortly afterward, he sent me the following image, with a note of thanks for saving his life. Apparently this peel had been watching him for weeks, waiting outside his work. And thanks to me, he was able to have it removed. He offered to send me a box of Bosc pears in appreciation. I told him that it was the least I could do, and I don’t like pears, but a small donation would be appreciated.

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