Watchout! Mysterious Vanishing

On May 29, a man named Boris chewed the last pulpy bite of his overripe banana and dropped the peel on the sidewalk. Immediately afterward, he vanished in a puff of smoke. Jane was on the scene and happened to catch the aftermath with her phone camera. Her haunting image captures Boris’s favorite Giants cap, its inner brim still soiled with Boris’s facial grime, lying beside the scorched peel.

Some experts say that this confirms rumors that the peels have started developing sophisticated technology to broaden their powers. Their leaders have long craved the ability to attack rather than just lying in wait. Was Boris the first of many to come?

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The victim vanished from the bus stop.

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Watchout! Marina Mess

Several of watchoutbananapeel’s most watchful vigilantes live in San Francisco. Today we’d like to pay tribute to Jane, whose selfless reporting has warned the public about dozens of peels over the years. Recently she spotted a nasty scene in the Marina District.

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The severed pieces lay horribly where they’d fallen.

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The sighting triggered a memory of this  shocking scene, spotted back in March of 2017.

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Watchout! Slimy train track lurker

Traveling is a disorienting experience. One minute you’re in one spot, and suddenly you’re someplace else. It’s even worse in the dark, when you can’t even see where you’re going. That’s why I always walk backwards at night, so no one can sneak up behind me. Last weekend, a sharp-eyed Californian named D. spotted this lurker in the dark, alarmingly close to the tracks.
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Watchout! Who’s watching you?

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Spotted on February 22 in Culver City

Many people ask me for urban safety tips. I’m flattered by the attention and often feel obligated to provide an answer, though I don’t feel fully qualified to speak authoritatively on the subject. As a result, I often invent answers based on what I think the person wants to hear.

Recently a young man inquired about the best way to know if someone is watching him. I imparted my most useful piece of wisdom – to ALWAYS check the bushes. Shortly afterward, he sent me the following image, with a note of thanks for saving his life. Apparently this peel had been watching him for weeks, waiting outside his work. And thanks to me, he was able to have it removed. He offered to send me a box of Bosc pears in appreciation. I told him that it was the least I could do, and I don’t like pears, but a small donation would be appreciated.

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Watchout! Viaduct Vulture

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February 16, under the viaduct.

It was two days after Valentine’s Day when I went for a late night walk under the maze of freeways near my home. I always wear a costume, for safety purposes (I’ve learned that during late night walks, it’s best to be the scariest looking person in the vicinity). It usually sends people running the opposite direction, but I met my match under the viaduct- this horrid thing, shamelessly staring me down.

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